30-Day Blog Challenge: Day Three

Day THREE

Your views on drugs and alcohol.

Um… wow. This question is definitely a loaded question. At least at this time in my life.

Five days after Elisha was born, my daddy died. He suffered cardiac arrest, liver and kidney failure, and pancreatitis. All effects from his lifetime addiction to alcohol. He did VERY well for several years. Years, thankfully, during my childhood. My dad was sober from the time I was a very small child (if I remember right 2 years old) until I was in my early 20s. I can in no words explain just how thankful I am that I grew up with a sober father. A father that was good to me and dearly loved me in more ways that I will ever know. However, due to circumstance and stress, my daddy decided to pick up the bottle again.

Daddy giving me away on my wedding day.

I’ve learned a lot about forgiveness in the short time since his death. When he died, I truely felt hate in my heart for him. Real, raw, painful hate. Hate due to the fact that neither my sister nor I were worth fighting for. That my step mother who gave so much of herself to him was not worth fighting for. That my step sisters who saw my father as their own father was not worth fighting for. That the slew of grandchildren that deeply loved their Poppa was not worth fighting for. That my son was not worth fighting for.

Thankfully, the hate did not last long. Due to my understanding of addictions, I was able to understand my father’s alcoholism. At least with my mind. My heart was (and still is) a different story. I have been able to find peace in my heart, though. Peace in the knowledge that I knew my daddy loved God. Despite the fact that he left Him in the last few years of his life. Growing up, watching my father live as a wholly devoted man to God gave me assurance that that life could not be replicated by a man “faking” a walk with God. I know my daddy is home now. I know my daddy is not fighting addiction. Not suffering due to his addiction.

He is alive. Perfect. Whole.

My views on drugs and alcohol. Simply stated, don’t get involved with the junk if you can’t handle the junk.

And the way the mind and body work, chemical dependence is formed out of excess consumption. And the term “excess” is a vague one. Each person is different. Some people can handle a glass of wine a few nights a week. Others can’t live without a liter of vodka each day. But eventually…. One drink could be the one that flips the switch. One hit could be the one that you cannot escape from. One shot could be the one that causes you to lose everything.

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